Oh the Family!

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING like a mother to ruin a perfectly good delivery. Oh, not the one giving birth. The one in the chair talking about how when she had babies...(insert whatever). 'It was easier, they didn't have all the gadgets, we didn't have all the medicines, they didn't have all the machines, they we're able to do it at home without anyone around, they didn't do all this complaining'. Doubtful. Then walks in the sister. The apple of the mother's eye. "See, now this one had no medicine! Absolutely natural birth." Sister nods in agreement. "Yep just a little pain medication in my IV and I was ready to go". Really?! Really?! As the patient looks distressed at this whole conversation all I can do is smile and shake my head. 

Even in the happy times as family members we set our loved ones up for failures. It's one extreme or the other. I see people sharing the horror stories of labor or how it was done successfully without any pain medication at all! I was told with my first child that there was 'nothing to it'. 'I shaved my legs at home in the bath and then went in and had a baby without any help'. Imagine what a HUGE disappointment I felt like when I was balled up crying asking for pain medication all while this person was in the room staring at me. I still shutter at the thought. Everybody is different. Everybody feels pain different. Every pregnancy is different. 

It is even worse when it is not such a happy time. Families are meant to stick together in rough times. And they are trying to be supportive. Bless their hearts. But sometimes they really don't get what kind of damaging things they say. "My sister's baby dad's cousin's uncle's new wife had a baby that was born and lived at 12 weeks". No. No she didn't. That baby might have lived, but not outside the womb and/or it wasn't 12 weeks. Something got confused somewhere. "I know this website, 'Strange Science Mysteries' maybe we can look up baby facts there". Please don't help your family members google things on unverified websites while grieving. Trust me when I say no good can come from it. "You couldn't afford that baby no way". Hmm. I'm gonna go with this is not helpful. "We can share mine!" Okay, I made that last one up. It was getting too serious...

So how does a family be loving and supportive and be actually loving and supportive? Easy, focus on the person laying in the bed going through the traumatic (happy or sad) experience. Sometimes it's without any words at all. A hand being held, a back rub, or even ice chips to cool her off. The bible gives us some insight. "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29. This verse kept coming to mind all this past week. Not just for my patients, but for my co-workers, and for my family when I got home and I was so exhausted each night. And I love the 2 Corinthians 1:4-7 and in this context The Message has a great way of explaining it. "He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort-we get a full measure of that, too. When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation. If we are treated well, given a helping hand and encouraging word, that also works to your benefit, spurring you on, face forward, unflinching. Your hard times are also our hard times. When we see that you're just willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you're going to make it, no doubt about it."

Amen!